If you’ve been following the blog you may or may not know that we are expecting a baby boy in less than five weeks. See pics from our Hawaiian themed baby shower (here). We are simply ecstatic and out of our minds about becoming parents!! Woohoo it finally happened!
One question that still remains on everyone else’s minds are those heart pounding words…”So when are y’all getting married?” Y’all….we live in the South, the Dirty South, lol! It almost overshadows the joy you feel when you get the “Congratulations” then they drop the bomb! Granted only close friends and family ask but if people only knew.
My teen and early 20 year old self never “planned” to marry or have kids for that matter. Marriage scared the hell out of me and quite frankly, it still does!!! As I approached my mid to late 20s I thought, maybe??? I could perhaps see me with kids…….but a husband???– if it was meant to be it would happen. When 30 came and went I began to wonder would it?
Most of my closest friends, acquaintances, hell everybody, were married and on baby number 2, 3 or 4. So I began to think which would be more of a desire–babies or marriage, babies, for sure. Still afraid of taking those vows, I definitely thought a baby would be easy to have but it wasn’t. I met and dated men (some were boys acting like men) that were potentially good fathers but they were no where near ready for either, like me as well, unbeknownst to me. So I decided to date older, like 6-10 years older….WRONG…some were sillier than the guys my age. So I had no choice but to wait it out just a little bit longer.
So in with the cliché….I decided to stop looking and just have fun with my life. I did make a few requests to the heavens above and then I let it go! I began to have fun dating, no pressure from me and my clock appearing in conversations, just genuine innocuous fun. I was doing what men were doing, not that-that, but just dating and meeting people. This really gave me a chance to see what I wanted or didn’t want for that matter.
So now 34 is here and I’m really starting to worry it may never happen. And I was okay with that, I think, so I just kept it moving–easy breezy! But in the back of mind this had to happen before I reached 40. I wanted to see my own grandkids one day—one day!
Then I meet him! We were both on the same wavelength with what we wanted as far as mates were concerned and it worked for us. Don’t get me wrong it was shaky at first but eventually it all came together. Fast forward two years later and we are expecting. We talked about marriage often, way before our expectancy but I think we truly wanted children more. He was older and I was getting older so time was a ticking! Yeah he got somewhat of a spring chicken, lol! We decided to do it our way and relish in the excitement of our new addition. We are in love with one another sincerely and deeply and it’s really all that matters. Who cares what others think. My brother dated his wife of 22 years for 12 years before they were happily married, lots of pressure from everyone, but they did it when they were ready! Don’t let outside factors, people, influence what is best for you and yours. Only you and your partner know what’s best and works for you!
I write this because this is an unconventional traditional relationship. No ring doesn’t always mean no commitment. I definitely don’t aspire to be a permanent girlfriend but not an unhappy wife either. Marriage is lots of hard work and it is not for the weak! Sure it’s great and ideal to get married then have kids but maybe, just maybe, kids might be more important in some relationships, more important in our relationship. Look around, divorce is not uncommon, but we’re doing this life the way our love for one another lives and thrives. We’ll march down that aisle soon when this chicken is ready but as of now we want to just enjoy what our love has created–our baby boy Sage!
****the opinions expressed on the BBNH blog are just that, MY two cents!!****