Well hello world, I’m back……and with company!! I’ve been away for about two months preparing for and delivering my son Sage Eli aka “Apple”. The experience of giving life to a tiny being was extraordinary, enlightening, fulfilling, emotional…I mean I could go on but the main feeling I enjoyed was the INSTANT rush of LOVE that I felt for someone I’ve never encountered before, how is this possible??? That was the true definition of love at first sight.
With all that to say I have stepped into new territory, uncharted waters that will never be easy….EVA!! It began the instant he was placed in my arms. The wonderment, naivety, the complete cluelessness of how I was going to keep my child alive, happy and healthy.
My delivery experience went the exact way that I did not want it to happen. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia at 37 weeks with elevated high blood pressure. At the end of my 38th week check-up with an even higher reading than the week before I was admitted to Labor & Delivery to be begin induction that morning!! WHAT?!?! I mean I had a STRONG list of ish to do that day and having a baby wasn’t exactly on the list as planned, lol!!
I knew that this is was going to be THE biggest and newest level of experiences that I will ever take part in and thought it would be best to plan everything out so that it would be easier to tackle head on. Yeah right, just throw that ish out the window now!!!! If you’ve been following posts you can see where I planned and planned! Boy was I sadly and rudely awakened. So, needless to say, I spent 8 days in the hospital delivering my beautiful healthy 8lb 12oz son Sage Eli. Big arse baby hunh, lol!!!
So I’m 5 weeks 4 days in (only 17 years, 47 weeks and 361 days til he’s off to college right?!) and I am noticing left, right, up and down things I never knew would be so emotional, trying and loving, the same things other parents just didn’t mention in details. They all said you just forget those things because eventually they don’t compare to the life given. Walk with me….Talk with me….just take a look at just six of many, from what I’ve seen and experienced…..all in fun of course!!
1. The Best Plan Is No Plan
So in a fairytale dream I expected to deliver a few days before or after my due date, vaginally and naturally. I had it all written down in my birthing plan, I mean that’s what they’re there for correct! WRONG!! Everything went left and any and everything that I didn’t want happened down to early delivery, eight days in the hospital, failed induction(s), six to be exact, anaestesia, cesarean, no immediate skin to skin contact, the worst one. Being away from my baby for almost an hour was excruciating and painful and probably the guiltiest part of the delivery. So just relax, its okay to plan for a delivery just be prepared that sometimes other plans have been preordained for you. But I always say that there is a lesson in every situation and mine was patience and letting go, go with the flow!
2. Singing and dancing are your new thing
I am completely at a loss when it comes to keeping a one month old entertained. When he was first born it was pretty simple because all he did was sleep, sleep, sleep. Now that’s he’s getting older he’s a little more alert and awake. Everything grabs his attention, I mean the simplest of things like shadows on the wall. So I decided to bring him in my world of singing and dancing. I played a lot of music while he was in utero so the music was nothing but if I sing I try to sing songs that I’ve made up, like Oopsie in Your Doopsie, Apple of My Eye and the infamous Yummy In My Tummy. I’m pretty good at songwriting. It’s the best bonding moment knowing when he gets older he’ll remember the melodies and it can be soothing. Creating memories is what I always say!
3. I live in the bedroom
So long clean bedroom, living room whatever your room of choice is. The bed has become my living space, my changing table, the bathing board, photo prop you name it! I figure it’s only for a few weeks or at least until I can get a routine down. Why mess up the whole house with the madness?
3. Breastfeeding is NOT that easy!
Boy oh boy this is the one that was most surprising. Breastfeeding was the single most aspect of motherhood I anticipated. The joy of knowing that I could nourish my child from my body is what I based the notion of M.O.M to be! There was a slight trepidation there of not knowing if I would be able to supply enough too. Not the labor, surgery recovery or challenges of being a new mom compared…..NOPE! Unfortunately, this was my hardest task at hand. Because of my C-section my breast milk didn’t come right away, in fact it took about five days for it to come down and then the supply was low. I ordered all natural vegetarian capsuled Fenugreek Seed pills to increase my milk supply, heaven sent! I had to get on a strict routine to build the supply up, like nursing then pumping every two hours, throughout the night as well. Lots of long and sleepless nights await………STILL!! The tugging and pulling….OMG!! Who knew that area could be so tender yet so tough! then began another regiment of nipple care, the cream, the shields, the bleeding nipples and then the bleeding from pulling the shields off to start the process over again. In the end I still have to supplement with formula because of low lactation supply. I struggled with this because once again my plan was to breastfeed for at least 2 years……yup TWO years, so I had to bottle feed with formula as a supplement to make sure that he was getting enough to eat! We’re still on formula but I do nurse at night, for ease and comfort of my mind as well as his body. There is no right or wrong way, maybe a better way at times but definitely do what’s best for you and your baby. Eventually it all worked out and I am able to nurse and pump for those days I just want to give my boobs a break. Even though this was pure torture I wouldn’t change it for the world. Breastfeeding is not for the weak I say!!
4. Dad would become a bowl of mush!
I knew having a kid would change Sage’s father completely around but I had no idea that he would be so entertaining—making rhymes, telling stories and engaging to this tiny little person that he holds so often that I have to ask for my turn to hold our son. He laughs with him, talks with to him in these higher pitched voices and looks directly into his eyes and says “I love you” a zillion times a day. I knew I had a great partner before I became pregnant but when he would tell me “you go get some rest I got him” without me even asking I was in HEAVEN. Those were THE most sweetest words he could ever say to me and the best ones of all…..”go to sleep”!
5. Vanity will be left at the door!
I have never been THAT girl that stays in the bathroom for an hour to get ready, stay on top of the latest beauty trends but I did pride myself of keeping myself together and looking the best me with minimal effort. Fast forward postpartum I hadn’t thought twice about my hair or my clothes because I was so consumed with learning everything I could about Sage. Not to say that taking care of myself didn’t come back, but after week four I was ready to stand in the mirror and put that pretty back on.
6. I felt guilty about parent shaming!!
Yes, I was one that would pass slight judgement on parents if they couldn’t calm their crying baby, or why their kids were running wild and aimlessly through the stores, or maybe the classic why in the hell does that baby have a “binky” in his mouth. I take every comment I ever made silently to myself back. I understand now that parenting is not an easy job and there are a million different ways to be a good one especially to “your” child. I had all the answers of what I would do once I became a parent and every single one of them I have called my own bullsh*t!! Its a day, no minute by minute process of the handling emotions that come along with raising a human being. Never again will I judge……..I know she, he or they are doing the best they can.
I could think of a million other reasons, SECRETS rather, no one tells you about motherhood. I think subconsciously I knew what I was getting into which led me to wait a little longer than most women. All in all this has been the most positive experience that I have walked into and I look forward to the next six weeks and what they may bring or not! But as for now—-> back to nursing!!
***The opinions expressed on the BBNH blog are exactly that, MY two cents!!!****